If you’ve worked in property management for even a short time, you already know this: people are emotional. Owners, residents, applicants, neighbors, even your own team members—everyone brings their fears, expectations, habits, and reactions to the table.
And somehow, all of those emotions land in your inbox.
Early terminations.
Impulsive decisions.
Resistance to change.
Complaints that appear out of nowhere.
For years, I tried to manage it all… not just the work, but the emotions behind the work.
Then I came across something that genuinely changed the way I lead, work, and live: The Let Them Theory, popularized by Mel Robbins.
You can read more about it here:
https://melrobbins.com/blogs/mel-robbins/the-let-them-theory
It’s simple, but incredibly freeing:
You stop trying to control other people’s decisions, reactions, or emotions—and you redirect your energy back to what you can control.
When I applied it in my personal life, everything shifted.
And then I started to wonder…
What would it look like to apply this same mindset to property management?
Turns out—it fits beautifully.
What Exactly Is the Let Them Theory?
Before we go any further, let’s define it clearly.
The Let Them Theory is the idea that you release the need to control how other people act, feel, respond, or behave.
You let them make their choices—good, bad, emotional, impulsive, or unexpected—without overexplaining, fixing, or managing their reactions.
It doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It means you stop carrying what isn’t yours.
Mel Robbins describes it as a way to free yourself from trying to manage the unmanageable: other people.
How the Let Them Theory Showed Up in My Life
The Let Them Theory first resonated with me through my family.
For years, I tried to “help” them.
Encourage them.
Change them.
Fix situations.
Improve their lives in ways I thought they needed.
I constantly found myself in the middle of their problems—carrying the emotional load, strategizing solutions, offering pathways forward.
Until I finally realized something painfully simple:
They didn’t actually want anything to change.
I was the one carrying the frustration.
I was the one losing sleep.
I was the one trying to drag them into a better life they didn’t ask for.
When I finally let it go—when I let them live how they wanted to live—everything got lighter.
My relationships improved.
My stress decreased.
And I became grounded in what I could control: myself.
Once I felt that peace, I began to wonder:
Could this mindset help in property management too?
The answer?
A very loud yes.
What If We Applied the Let Them Theory to Property Management?
Property management is full of emotional reactions—some logical, many not.
And so much of our stress comes from trying to control things that were never ours to control in the first place.
People are going to feel how they feel.
People are going to react how they react.
People are going to make decisions—impulsive or informed—that you may not agree with.
You can’t control their behavior. But you can control your response.
That’s the heart of the Let Them Theory in property management.
Let’s consider a few examples of how this might show up:
1. A resident wants to break their lease early? Let them.
Most PMs instinctively go into “correction mode”:
Why are you moving? What changed? Can we work something out?
But when someone is already mentally checked out, trying to convince them to stay only creates friction.
Instead, picture this:
A resident emails at 10:42 PM:
“We need to break the lease. We’re moving out ASAP.”
You stay calm and reply the next morning with clear steps:
- Early termination clause
- Associated fees
- Required notice
- Timeline
- Move-out checklist
No back-and-forth.
No emotional tug-of-war.
Just process.
Let them leave.
You protect the owner and keep the workflow moving.
2. An owner declines a professional recommendation? Let them.
You suggest a $275 make-ready improvement.
Or a rent adjustment based on comps.
Or approving a pet to widen the applicant pool.
And the owner says:
“No, I don’t want to do that.”
Your job isn’t to drag them into the right decision.
It’s to:
- present the data
- document your recommendation
- support their choice
- move forward
And usually—two weeks later—they call back saying:
“Okay, let’s do what you suggested.”
Let them learn at their pace.
You stay professional.
3. A prospect leaves a negative review? Let them.
Maybe they were denied.
Maybe the process felt slow.
Maybe emotions ran high.
A review pops up at midnight:
“This company doesn’t care.”
“They never respond fast enough.”
“Unfair!”
You don’t spiral.
You don’t match their tone.
You respond the next day with calm professionalism and clear facts.
Let them vent.
Your response is what your future clients will judge.
4. A team member resists a new process? Let them (initially).
You roll out a new SOP, and one person is visibly uncomfortable.
They sigh.
They get quiet.
They hesitate.
They ask, “Why do we have to change this? The old way worked.”
Instead of forcing enthusiasm, you give space:
“I hear you. Change is hard. Let’s walk through it together.”
You don’t mirror their discomfort—you guide them through it.
Let them process.
Let them feel uneasy for a moment.
Let them warm up in their own time.
That’s leadership rooted in psychology, not pressure.
5. Someone gets upset about a fee or deadline? Let them.
Property management is full of contractual obligations that trigger emotions:
- Late fees
- Renewal deadlines
- Pet violations
- HOA notices
- Insurance requirements
People often react emotionally before they react logically.
Let them have their moment.
Let them express frustration.
Then calmly redirect:
“This is outlined in the lease. Here’s what we need from you to get back in compliance.”
You stay steady.
You stay factual.
You don’t match the emotion.
Let them feel it—while you stay rooted.
When I think about the Let Them Theory now, I picture a version of myself from years ago—someone who thought she had to hold everything together.
Someone who believed that if she tried hard enough, cared deeply enough, or explained clearly enough, people would change.
Family.
Friends.
Team members.
Residents.
Owners.
Everyone.
I carried so much of other people’s emotional weight that I forgot my own.
But the Let Them Theory taught me something freeing:
Most people don’t want you to fix their life. They just want to live it—even if their choices don’t make sense to you.
When I stopped pushing…
when I stopped persuading…
when I stepped back and let people be who they were…
life felt lighter.
My relationships softened.
My leadership strengthened.
My reactions quieted.
And I finally realized:
Letting go is not losing control. It’s choosing peace.
Property management is a people business.
And people are always going to do what they do.
Let them rush.
Let them pause.
Let them disagree.
Let them misunderstand.
Let them react.
You stay grounded in your process, your contract, and your values.
Their behavior is not your burden.
Your response is your real power.
And that is the heart of the Let Them Theory—at home, at work, and everywhere in between.
